I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
