fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize