I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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