spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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