oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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