His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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