How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
