Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
