Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
