What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
