Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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