ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
