How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
