he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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