dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He shit in the fireplace
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