So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
