so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
