We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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