Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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