I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
