your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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