her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
