I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize