I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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