She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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