One girl and one boy is just not enough.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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