I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she smelled like a LAN party
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
