just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
