dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
