The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
