question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
