i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
