I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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