In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
