i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
