Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
