Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
