You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
