piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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