i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
love makes seman taste better
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i now understand why vodka
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