Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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