He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
