Got a toothbrush?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize