I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
