that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Randomize
