Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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