I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I could make wine with my vomit
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
