I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
