I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am one with the molecules
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize