Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
