Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
