Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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