I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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