i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
