Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
