Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He shit in the fireplace
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
