How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
