Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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