Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
