I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
