Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize