Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
