Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
