all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
