Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
whose parrot is this?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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