chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
