i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
sarcasm needs its own font
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
