he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
