Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
