I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He passed out mid-signature
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
