Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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