What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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