I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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