I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
