why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
