apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
