The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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