When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
